Dear Universe, this is not what I had in mind... - Oct 11, 2026

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As the day comes to a close. I keep being reminded on how fast everything in my life is changing. It feels as though my body can't quiet keep up.

I am becoming super emotional now in days. And they are pretty extreme left and right, up and down like a roller coaster in the dark.

One moment I feel I am on top of the world, and ready to take on what is in front of me. The next minute I am curled in a ball rocking myself to sleep.

What has become of me?

I lay here on my bed typing this journal thinking to myself. Listening to myself ponder what is this nonsense.

But... I did ask for this.

They say be careful what you wish for because you might actually get it.

I fully believe this might be just that.

It might not make sense to the person reading this yet. But two and a half years ago May 2024, I had asked the universe to let me realize my full potential and to help me secure what I set my mind too.

It replied. Okay, but you realize what you are asking? You are asking to reach your full potential. I don't think you know quite know what your full potential is. It's shockingly massive.

But no, I do want to know what it is. Please show me. I'm ready.

What I do know about myself is that I am a brilliant problem solver and a master at "making it work." I quote that because I am about to swallow those words like the driest, thickest biscuit you can imagine, without a single drop of water.

I kid you not, the moment I turned 34 at the stroke of midnight on May 3, 2024, the gates of hell opened and every problem you can imagine fell on top of my lap.

Seemingly overnight $40,000 has evaporated from my bank account, my business I had just acquired closed down, I lost my apartment, and I become homeless.

Talking about a hug from the universe. She is brilliant, but you are going to want to wish you were dead during the process.

It was the hardest month in my entire life. It was the first time I felt I was in over my head. As you continue to read my personal journals, you will learn that, that doesn't happen often. In fact, it has never happened up until this point.

I relied heavily on one person that was with me through the thickest of it. My friend. Someone that can lift you up and make you feel unstoppable, but also someone that can make you feel like utter shit all in the same sentence.

Somehow, we managed to survive through it.

You see, he was also working with me at this second business I had acquired. Being the artist-entrepreneur I am, I can't stomach the idea of working for anyone else. Not because I don't want to, but because no one wants an entrepreneur on their team. They are vastly independent and think way to aggressively for employers to handle.

But he stuck with me through it all.

Fast forward to September 2026. My first business I started over 7 years ago, had shockingly come to a close. Because of a spiritual agreement I made years prior.

Now this time it was asking me to give up my entire identity. The final brick of who I thought I was.

It gets even worse. This time. My dearest friend that had stuck it out with me for over 7 years, called it quits.

The last of who I was and what I had, had crumbled to the ground.

I closed down what I had left, packed everything in my mazda, which is in dire need of repairs, and we parted ways.

But this time. I had no one.

Sure he said, I will be here if you need someone to text. But that never happened. Especially a month later where I am laying in my bed spiraling into the hardest depression of my life and I get a text from him in the night saying:

"I am having the time of my life, my heart is filled with overjoy, you should see that awesome things that are happening to me."

Talking about a punch in the gut.

But remember the universe. Ah, yes you do. She warned me many times before. You are going to realize your full potential and you are going to get everything you want. But in order to do that, you first must learn the hardest lessons you will ever learn. The lesson of letting go.

You see, you had held on to everything so tightly that you started to suffocate the very creative existence you founded your original ideas on. You didn't want to let go and it caused you pain and misery. So we forced you to let go.

The universe is a variety of energies, not just one.

But now you are turning to one of the most creative energies you possess. Your spirit of writing and story telling. Others must hear your story. You must share with them your truths.

As I sit here writing this, I can't help to reflect how quickly it all happened. And is still happening.

I am not sure what is to come of this next chapter, but apparently you as the reader are along for the journey. So buckle up and keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times. Enjoy your ride.